You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize