ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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