did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize