i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
