We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
