Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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