you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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