you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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