i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
They have beer where we have blood.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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