i think my tv is drunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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