yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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