I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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