I'm really into asian looking animals
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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