I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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