remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize