I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You are the jesus of drinking
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
