dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
