Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
