It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
