Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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