Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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