I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
