god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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