Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize