my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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