So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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