Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
