I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
