nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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