4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
