At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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