I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drunk is not a location!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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