If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
