She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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