there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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