If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
