hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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