They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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