come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
