And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
