I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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