there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
