You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
