I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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