You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize