I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
