This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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