just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Randomize
