Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
