I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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