At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
