I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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