Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
