Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
