What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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