i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
