the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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