Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
