There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize