Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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