I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
