i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize