It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
