I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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