Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
