I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
