I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
