I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
