her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
