Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
