At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
