I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Randomize
