The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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