Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
