Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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