I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
