Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
