How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
