my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Damn victory sex feels great
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
