would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
