A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
