she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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