Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
