ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
