I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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