Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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