so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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