I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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