I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Drake has all the answers
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize