I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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